Tears of Lys (and other “poisons”)

“A dozen crystals, no larger than seeds, rattled across the parchment he’d been reading. They shone like jewels in the candlelight, so purple that the maester found himself thinking that he had never truly seen the color before… In the Citadel, it was simply called the strangler.” -Clash of Kings

” The Strangler”

To make your own Tears of Lys, or other Westerosi “poisons”, you’ll need a few simple things.

rock candy, in purple, clear, and other colors of your choice
small glass vials

Break the candy up into individual crystals. Try not to overhandle it, as the dye is usually applied to the outside of the candy, rather than mixed in with the sugar. Divide a few crystal between the vials, and hand out to guests as party favors. Remember that these are costly and rare poisons, so a few go a long way. For extra instructions, as well as printable Westerosi “poison” labels, check out the GoT party planning guide.

“This is a crueler poison, but tasteless and odorless, hence easier to hide. The tears of Lys, men call it.” -A Feast for Crows

Party Game: try to sneak your “tears” into others drinks throughout the evening. Whoever gets a crystal in his/her glass is “dead” for the purposes of the game. Anyone left alive wins. If there are multiple winners, decide the champion by how many other guests he/she “killed”. You can also use “poisons” of different colors, especially if the drink of choice is white wine or something similarly see through.

Character Themed Meals – Sandor Clegane

“The left side of his face was a ruin. His ear had been burned away; there was nothing left but a hole. His eye was still good, but all around it was a twisted mass of scar, slick black flesh hard as leather, pocked with craters and fissured by deep cracks that gleamed red and wet when he moved. Down by his jaw, you could see a hint of bone where the flesh had been seared away.”

The winner of our most recent poll, with 30% of the vote, just barely beat out The Red Viper, who jockeyed for the lead with 29%. It was neck and neck the whole way, but finally The Hound prevailed, leaving his competition in the dust.

So here you go. You chose him, so what would you most like to see for a Hound themed meal? Extra points for creativity and prose, extra demerits for anyone suggesting we cook three kinds of dog.

Ready, GO!

Party Invitations

Here’s what we’re using for our party invites. If you’ve already sent out invites, the template would work as a beautiful menu. For full and in-depth instructions, check out the GoT party planning guide.

Step 1: download this image, and paste it into a Word file.

Step 2: Find a fancy medieval font you like on a site like Dafont.com

Step 3: Create a text box on top of the image, then write in the text of your invite.

Step 4: Save as a PDF, then print out as many copies as you need. Try printing on paper that looks like vellum, or on tea-stained printer paper.

Step 5: Add any embellishments you like, such as wax seals, burned edges, etc. The trick to burning edges is to tear them first; in this way, you can better control the burn pattern. We sent our invites out in fancy envelopes, embossed with a special pen, rubber stamp, and gold powder.

Embossed with calligraphy pen and rubber stamp

Mock Dormice

“Aggo gave an urchin a copper for a skewer of honey-roasted mice and nibbled them as he rode. Jhogo bought a handful of fat white cherries. Elsewhere they saw beautiful bronze daggers for sale, dried squids and carved onyx…” -A Clash of Kings

Our Thoughts

This was a dish from the books that we couldn’t actually make, but after giving it some thought, we came up with a fun solution.

These are tasty little morsels. The flaky pastry melts in your mouth, while the sausage pops with juices when you bite into it. Plus, they look like mice. There is a residual feeling of decadence that accompanies the eating of these tiny faux creatures, bringing you just a tad closer to your favorite Roman emperors and Dothraki bodyguards.

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Tansy Tea

Tansy Tea

We realize that this is probably in poor taste, but we found some dried tansy at a medieval market a few weeks back, and just couldn’t help ourselves.

Full Disclaimer: Nobody should try this using this tea for its Westerosi uses. Nor should you drink it in any great quantity. To be safe, you probably just shouldn’t drink it at all…

Our Thoughts:

The taste of the tea on its own is light, with a faintly medicinal herbal quality that is not entirely unpleasant. However, a dash of honey banishes the tiny traces of a lurking bitterness. Given that there is no evidence of proper tea plants in either Westeros or Essos, it seems safe to say that the noble houses, such as, say, the Tullys, would have enjoyed herbal teas. In such a case, one heavily honeyed herbal brew might easily be substituted for another on the sly, if a noble daughter needed to be available to make a good match…

Daenerys Targaryen's ideal meal

We were swamped with terrific ideas and suggestions for this meal. Combining our ideas with yours, this is what we’ve got:

We started with Kati’s idea that the meal would have to include lots of small dishes of nibbles for Dany to daintily pick at. Dylan is also probably correct in that there would have to be a “crap ton of fresh fruit”. We shopped at the local Asian market for some extra strange fruit varietals.

As per the suggestion of many, we served some spiced lamb over a bed of mixed grains. Also savory, the tea eggs from our Meereenese Breakfast. Equally exotic were the roasted grapes- half raisins with a burst of sweetness.

For a sweet finish, we followed Total Zelanity’s observation that Tyroshi Honeyfingers needed to be included. Add to that a side of Anne Clark’s suggested yogurt with honey and pomegranate, and some honey-cinnamon roasted chickpeas.

Our drinks consultant recommends a South African mead, such as the coffee, fig, or chili varietals from IQhilika, or a spicy Corsican witbier such as Pietra Columba. We also served up some of our home brewed persimmon wine. For a non alcoholic beverage, we suggest a minty green tea- a superior shade of green can be had by brewing matcha with fresh mint sprigs.

Our Thoughts:

Dany really feasts like a queen (or a khaleesi, if you prefer). The grapes on their own are wonderful, but for a really incredible experience, combine a bite of yogurt, roasted grape, and lamb. The three combine for a really amazing flavor. The extra fresh fruits are luscious, but in my opinion, can’t hold their own against the amazingness that is Tyroshi Honeyfingers. I mean, fried dough, soaked in honey. Yes.

We also employed an old Jacobite tradition for toasting: Fill a small glass with water. Take your beverage of choice, and, while passing it over the water, say, “To the Queen”. In this way, any Targaryen loyalist in Westeros can secretly toast Daenerys, their queen over the water. :)

Honorable Mention:

Doug suggested Ethiopian-style lamb tips, from lamb plundered from the weak Lhazareen

Min’s suggestion of something flambeed

EVERYTHING in Tami’s extensive list of courses

Faris’ suggestion of a course for each of the seven kingdoms, so she could metaphorically devour them

kkw for playing to my weakness for Turkish cuisine

Nate’s suggestion of a vintage Madeira, because it and Dany have gotten better with travel, are complex, and survive exposure to extreme heat

Tart Persimmon Wine

“While the good masters of Astapor conferred among themselves in low voices, Dany sipped tart persimmon wine from a tall silver flute…” (Storm of Swords)

Tart Persimmon Wine, on the right

Our Thoughts:

This was our first foray into home brewing, and we’re totally hooked now. You would have been amused to see us come home and rush to the kitchen to watch the airlock bubble as the yeast did its work. After following the process below, we let our bottles sit for about 3 months, then cracked open a bottle for sampling.

It is indeed very tart, and toes the edge of being just a bit too dry. It’s fresh and crisp, with only a hint of the fruit it started as. Vote? A very fun project, with a nice, drinkable result. Dany would drink it, and so would we. Try serving very chilled, with a swirl of honey, in a tall flute.

*FURTHER UPDATE*

It’s good! Several months after bottling, we cracked a bottle open to taste, and found that the flavors are mellowing beautifully. It still has the characteristic tartness for the wine Dany drinks, but is now downright pleasant to drink.

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Happy Valentine's Day

Ummmmmm…

It’s good to be the King… Robert Baratheon’s Ideal Meal

No wonder King Robert is so large, and there’s little question why the crown was six million gold dragons in debt.

Cheese.

And ale. And venison, mead, bacon, wine, tarts, and a plethora of other tasty, tasty foodstuffs. This meal left two of us utterly stuffed. The roasted veg were all soft and delicious, slightly caramelized from cooking in duck fat and cider. The venison was simply mindblowing. I have no words. The desserts were a wonderful conclusion, and proof of my theory that dessert occupies a different space in the stomach than does dinner. Sweet and delicious, we managed several of each before succumbing to a sensory overload. The honeycakes (forthcoming!) were absolutely divine, though. The Menu

Gulls Eggs and Seaweed Soup

Traditional Cawl Bara Lawr

“Ah, cold salt mutton. I must be home. When I break my fast on gulls’ eggs and seaweed soup, I’ll be certain of it.” -A Storm of Swords

Modern Egg Drop Seaweed Soup

Our Thoughts

Cawl bara lawr is popular with the coastal folk of Wales for more reasons than just ingredient availability- it’s creamy, hearty texture bolsters one up on cold, blustery, winter days. Though perhaps not the prettiest soup to grace our tables, the complexity of flavor was certainly surprising. The saltiness of the laver is well-balanced by the sweetness of the parsnips (always sweeter after the first frost!). As for the “gull’s egg”, we settled for quail. May is gull egg season, and they are even harder to come by here in the US than they are in the UK. Nonetheless, the addition of a fried egg to our hearty breakfast added the protein the soup lacked.

Our modern seaweed egg drop soup is a bit of a stretch from what is described in the book. However, it is a wonderful combination of flavors and textures. The soup is surprisingly hearty, the mushrooms, seaweed and egg combining to make a dish substantial enough to be a meal in itself. Low in calories and effort and high in nutrients, this is a winter time must!

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