Cards Against the Realm

At this year’s premiere party, thanks to the suggestion of my friend Alix, our guests and I collaborated to create a Westeros-themed version of the hit game Cards Against Humanity. One of the coolest things about the original is that it is under a creative commons license, which means that the creators encourage sharing, playing, and adapting the game, so long as no profit is made.

Which is completely awesome, because it enabled us to play several uproarious rounds of our own version. When I mentioned this game on my premiere party blogpost, a number of you expressed hope that I would create a playable deck. I’ve finally gotten to it, and many of the cards are as funny as I remembered. Because it was a new game, we had on hand a bunch of blank cards, and everyone could write in their suggestions as we played, so the deck grew organically. I suggest you do the same, and once you have a good number of new card ideas, you can use this generator to make them.

In case you haven’t played before, here are the rules to the game. Basically, one player flips over a black card, on which is printed a sentence with at least one blank. All the other players choose the funniest card in their hands, and the winner gets a point. For example,

“In his next book, GRRM will spend 500 pages devoted to describing ______”

  • the truth about Jon and Sam
  • lemoncakes
  • her weight in sapphires
  • etc.

So there it is, in a nutshell. If you manage to fill in another whole page of these ideas, send me the pdf so I can combine it with those already here. Let’s build the greatest set of cards the North has ever seen!

*warning: some cards are vulgar- not for the timid and faint of heart!*



35 thoughts on “Cards Against the Realm”

  1. *** says:

    I have to play this!! On another note.. “Young Griff” has two Fs. The Great Other is in the details.

    1. Amanda says:

      Hey here is a list so you can click and drag to make your own full size cards. I spent two hours formatting them so I thought I would save others out there the trouble : )

      On her wedding day, Daenerys was presented with _______. When Daenerys emerged from the fire, her first wish was _______. The only game that matters is _______. The mind needs _______ like a sword needs a _______. PICK 2 “_______ for me, little bird.” If Westeros had porn, the most popular would feature _______ and _______. PICK 2 I’ll take what is mine with_______ and_______. PICK 2 In the House of the Undying, Dany saw a vision of _______. If I had a direwolf, I’d name it _______. You know _______, Jon Snow. My worst nightmare is meeting _______ face to face. Chaos is a _______. All men must _______. _______ cuts deeper than swords. Littlefinger’s nickname was a direct result of _______. Khal Drogo’s morning ritual included _______ and _______. PICK 2 After a tragic encounter with _______, the Kingslayer’s hand was replaced with _______. PICK 2 In the game of _______ you win or you _______. PICK 2 _______ is coming.
      The things I do for _______. Maester Luwin
      Forged one of his links by _______.
      Last time Cersei had too much to drink, she had a bad experience with _______.
      Varys sometimes wishes his missing goods were replaced with _______.
      The man who passes the sentence should swing the _______.
      One needs ______ to make the eight.
      Dark wings, dark _______.
      When travelling the Kingsroad, one should always bring _______ for good luck.
      If you can’t defeat your enemies in battle, there’s always _______.
      In his next book, GRRM will spend 500 pages to describe _______.
      At the Red Wedding, Robb Stark lost his _______.
      Before losing his package, Varys’s favorite pastime was _______.
      _______ won the Iron Throne with the help of _______. PICK 2
      Everyone fears _______’s _______. PICK 2
      Robert Baratheon secretly gave _______ to each of his bastards at their births.
      Having fallen prey to _______, the King lies dying.
      When King Joffrey wants to have fun, he asks for _______.
      The gold price
      It rhymes with freak
      Meat & mead
      Jon Snow’s total lack of knowing things
      Bastards in their fathers’ eyes
      10,000 horses
      The Onion
      Knight’s severed fingertips
      Prince Doran’s gout
      A dwarf riding a pig
      Young Grif
      HOT PIE!
      The burnt side of the Hound’s face
      An entire khalasar
      The proud and noble House
      Manwoody Sandsnake fanfiction
      Bread and salt
      Waking the dragon
      Pissing off the edge of the Wall
      Roose Bolton’s used leeches
      Jaime’s sword hand
      The Meereenese Knot
      Podrick Payne’s sexual prowess
      Dothraki mating rituals
      Virginity Bees?
      The iron price Tears of Lys
      Jon Snow’s real parents
      A masturbating giant
      Growing stronger
      Hear me roar
      A crown of molten gold
      Barack Obama’s Red Wedding
      Reaction video
      Arya Chataya’s pleasure house
      The Dothraki word for “handjob”
      Grumpkins and snarks
      Bitch-slapping Joffrey
      Manticore Venom
      Skagosi unicorns
      The wintery abode of white walkers
      A crannogman with a hard-on
      The whore the truth about Jon and Sam
      A shadow-baby
      The public bathroom at Harrenhall
      Blackwater Bay
      Renly’s tourney lance
      Tywin’s disappointed father face
      A white walker’s frozen genitalia
      A Valyrian steel blade
      Between the legs of the Titan
      Dothraki accent
      Where whores go a Dothraki wedding
      Dracarys Maester Qyburn
      Walder Frey’s puckered lips
      Ramsey’s sausage
      Flea Bottom furries
      Shitting gold
      Hodor singing the GoT theme song
      The Horn of Winter
      George RR Martin
      The Mountain’s massive cock
      The kraken rises tansy tea the three-eyed raven
      Khal Drogo’s stallion
      Sansa griffins Varys’s root and stem
      Catelyn’s everflowing river of tears
      Taking the throne
      The nipple of an unsullied
      The Tickler
      Dragon Porn
      The faith of the Seven
      Blood magic
      Ser Illyn Payne’s hollow mouth hole
      A scale from the dragon that flamed you
      Cave sex
      Jon Snow’s thousand yard stare
      Johan’s dreams
      Spoilers from the next book
      The mother fuckin’ Red Viper!
      Milk of the poppy
      The long, slimy, smooth tentacles of a kraken
      Making the eight
      An Other orgy
      More boobs
      Homoerotic overtones
      Bowl of brown
      Killing lemoncakes
      Her weight in sapphires
      A dream of spring Melisandre’s
      Flaming pyre
      Vargo Hoat’s
      Beard fetish
      Lysa Arryn’s breast milk
      The prick of a rose’s thorn
      The champion’s “purse”
      Polishing his helmet
      A faceless man
      Ned Stark’s head a troupe of mummers
      The old ways
      The Bear and the Maiden Fair
      Ygritte’s lusty longbow
      A loaded crossbow
      Bronn’s curved dagger

  2. Ollie Starr says:

    Can I suggest ‘The Dothraki have no word for ____________’ as a black card? :)

    1. Chelsea M-C says:

      Of course, that’s a great one!

  3. lauren says:

    Melisandre’s Peter Pan shadow baby
    The leech from Gendry’s nether regions
    Nipples on a breastplate
    The bitter tears of SanSan shippers
    Natalie Dormer’s cleavage
    RLJ truthers
    Jojen paste
    What remains of Pycelle’s magnificent beard
    Ser Pounce
    Sour Dornish red
    Gender-bending Dornishmen
    Frey pies

  4. Elna Nelson says:

    OMG, thank you!

  5. Tara Anne says:

    Does anyone know how to make the cards the size of the regular cards?

    1. Dave says:

      Try here for full size blank templates –

    2. JB says:

      I think you can make full size cards here: It would be *awesome* if they would release a text-only file to make that process easier.

  6. Liberal Dan says:

    Good idea for a white card: “Playing The Rains of Castamere as your first dance at your wedding”.

  7. taveaux says:


    A moondoor sendoff
    Ser Jamie’s missing hand
    The Hound’s good side

    1. taveaux says:

      Theon Greyjoys dick in a box

  8. JB says:

    These are great! Any chance of getting this list in plain text, to print the cards full size? Also would add a white card: the god of tits and wine

    1. Chelsea M-C says:

      I definitely will!

  9. Tara Lynne says:

    That’s too funny, a friend of mine created ‘Cards Against Westeros’ for Ice & Fire Con 2013 and we’ve been adding to it ever since :)

  10. Andrea says:

    Black card ideas: “All ___ must die, but we are not ____.” “What do we say to the god of death? Not_______.” “A lady does not_____” “I am the god of _____ and _____” “Its not easy being _____ all the time, if it was then everyone would do it.” “I don’t want to be a _______,I want to be THE _______.” “For the night is _____ and full of _____.”

  11. PatW says:

    Black card: “Bugger me with a bloody ____________.”

  12. Name (required) says:

    “A Lannister always ________.”

  13. PapaG says:

    White Cards:

    Fat Pink Mast

    A Myrish Swamp

  14. Matt says:

    That’s about as useful as *_________* on a breastplate.

  15. Rich says:

    How is “Ryk’s long spear” not in there?

  16. Justin says:

    White card: tormunds member

  17. PatW says:

    White cards:
    My floppy ears
    Queen Selyse’s mustache
    Full of turnips
    Hot Weasel Soup
    A hundred spankings and five slaps

    Black card “With my belly full of wine and a maiden’s mouth around my__________,

  18. Karsten says:

    I’d make a whole sheet of white cards with ‘Hodor’.

  19. PatW says:

    House rule: If you draw “You raped her, you murdered her, you killed her children,” you have to read it with Oberyn’s accent!

    1. Chelsea M-C says:

      It is known.

  20. Matt of Oldtown says:

    Will there be a sequel? I have too many ideas to put in a single comment.

    1. Chelsea M-C says:

      I have very good intentions of putting all the current suggestions into a PDF/Word document so anyone can make their own sets and expand on it. Any. Day. Now.

      1. FriendlyDalek says:


        1. PatW says:

          I hope you do. I keep collecting things for our deck, and would love to see what other people have come up with. My son never ceases to be appalled at some of mine!

      2. Matt of Oldtown says:

        I’ve compiled a large list of cards I have come up with. Feel free to implement these:

        1. Matt of Oldtown says:

          On second thought, better that I just generate these myself. Will get back to you.

        2. Shannon says:

          I followed your link to your additional contributions/supplements, but unfortunately, it doesn’t allow access without permission. Have you compiled this list and posted it elsewhere? Would love to see what you came up with!

  21. Lauren says:

    I think “George R. R. Martin’s next book will be titled _________” would make a good black card!

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